It was January 20th, 2013.
I was a few months away from graduating high school and life was good. This was before I was Mustache Man. Before the fame. Before the glory. My friends simply called me “Whiskers.”
Well as fate would have it, I was invited to a Nuggets game on this cold and frigid night in 2013. The Nuggets were good. Andre Miller running the point, Danilo Gallinari in his prime, and Kenneth Faried flying high. Led by George Karl, Denver would go on to win 57 games that year.
Unfortunately, the Oklahoma City Thunder were better.
Coming off a surprising Finals appearance led by two young superstars in Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook, it looked like OKC was primed to compete for championships for years to come. Being the broke high school kids we were, my buddies and I were just happy to get some cheap seats to see a really good Nuggets team play the reigning Western Conference champs. There was no way of knowing that this once promising night would unfold into chaos.
There was about 10 minutes left in the game. The Nuggets were killing it, building a double digit lead at one point early the 4th quarter. Then…what we’d all been waiting for…
Rocky’s halfcourt shot.
Rocky, the Denver Nuggets mascot, is known across the NBA world for his amazing mascot feats. The most famous one being his backwards, halfcourt shot. It’s widely accepted among Nuggets fans that whenever Rocky makes this shot, Denver chances of winning that night increase dramatically. More importantly, there’s usually a promotion of some sort that rewards the fans if he does in fact make the shot.
On this night, in the brisk winter of January, they announced over the loud speaker that if Rocky makes his backwards shot tonight, we would all be rewarded with free queso on any Chipotle order. Everyone immediately inched towards the edge of their seat, understanding the stakes now at play. Tonight we knew – Liquid gold was on the line.
As he always does, Rocky approached halfcourt with the utmost confidence. Ball in hand, he turned around and was now facing backwards. The crowd got on their feet.
Rocky, the entertainer he is, started hyping up the arena. Already ecstatic about the Nuggets near insurmountable lead, we became crazed with the idea that free queso was now on the table. The mood in the building was now at a fever pitch.
At last, Rocky heaved.
It looked money. It looked like it was going in. Nothing could stop this basketball from entering the hoop, and in turn, forcing the most delicious form of cheese down our throats.
Then, out of nowhere, a villain was born.
Russell Westbrook, instigated by nothing else but his lactose intolerant heart, did the unthinkable. He leapt like a lion from his pride and blocked not one, but two of Rocky’s halfcourt heaves! A man, with the luxury of millions of dollars in his bank account, stole from the common man. A thief of cheese. A villain of the highest order. On that day, January 20th, 2013, Russell Westbrook became the most hated man in Denver.
Fast forward to present day.
The Denver Nuggets, coming off a disappointing 2023-24 campaign, have signed a 35 year old Russell Westbrook to presumably be our backup point guard.
I have mixed feelings.
On one hand, Russell Westbrook might just be exactly what this team needs. He brings a “dawg” mentality to the Nuggets that has been missing for pretty much the entire Jokic era. For all his inefficiencies (and there are a lot), it’s hard not to see how and why Westbrook fits on this team. He loves to drive downhill, often kicking out to the open man, giving our bench a much needed identity that we’ve been missing since Bruce Brown left.
But the stolen queso…
That night over 10 years ago changed me. An impressionable 18 year old learned what pure evil looks like. A previously ignorant boy was transformed into a vulnerable young man that night. And to this day, with my Chipotle bowl still queso-less, I have yet to build forgiveness in my heart.
So today, I call for Russell Westbrook to do the right thing:
Fund the addition of queso to any Chipotle order to the people of Denver for one calendar day.
Be a good person Russ. Prove to us that evil is fleeting and good still exists in this dark world. Right your wrong.
Until then (or until he helps us win a meaningless game in December that I’m way too invested in), I refuse to support you Russell Westbrook.
Bring the cheese. Do what’s right.
-Mustache Man
