Russ Was Cookin’ On Sunday Night

Nine 3-and-outs. 184 yards passing. 32.9 QBR. The Broncos new $250 million dollar man was on 🔥 Sunday night!

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So through three games, the Broncos offense hasn’t looked great…And Russell Wilson has struggled figuring out how to stack good drives together. Yes, it’s early. And yes, Denver is 2-1 and tied for first in the AFC West. But man… Nathaniel Hackett’s offense with Russ has rivaled Tim Tebow levels of bad. Unfortunately, this has caused some fans to take desperate measures.

Get grandma out of the cage Russ!

The good news?

The defense is fuckin sick. They’ve allowed only 36 points in three games and have looked absolutely dominant. Even without All-Pro safety Justin Simmons, the Broncos look like they have one of the top units in the league on that side of the ball.

But fuck, do defensive battles make for boring football games or what?

An 11-10 final score feels more like a Wednesday night at Coors Field than an NFL football game. Call me old school, but it doesn’t make for great entertainment watching approximately 700 punts over the course of three and a half hours.

Anyways, I’m sick of complaining. We should be used to this by now, right? For some reason I thought Russ would give us a little more than what every QB since Peyton gave us. I’m talkin’

Trevor Siemian

Paxton Lynch

Brock Osweiler

Case Keenum

Joe Flacco

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Brandon Allen

Jeff Driskel

Brett Rypien

Kendall Hinton/Phillip Lindsey

Drew Lock

And Teddy Bridgewater

Let’s Ride?

We’ve already been on a fuckin ride Russell. It’s been a rollercoaster from hell.

All we’re asking is for a little stability here. Scoring more than 16 points on offense would be a nice start. Hell, score more than 25 and Ciara might let you try something other than missionary.

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I’m obviously joking…I’m sure they’ve tried other stuff…

This is how I imagine Russ when Ciara told him to come over for the first time

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And when Russ talked to his black friends about it

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And when he talked to his white friends about it

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I’m sorry…Russ is a weird guy.

But he’s OUR weird guy. He’s OUR weird quarterback. And we have to believe he’s gonna turn this thing around.

What better way to do that than next week against this pipsqueak:

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Literally, all Josh McDaniels does is lose.

So Russ and the Broncos shouldn’t have any trouble with the Raiders and their Swiss cheese defense, right?

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